Archive for December, 2014

Is Marriage Counseling biblical?

December 15, 2014

Is marriage counseling biblical? Many people and great church people would say “Yes!” But lets examine this through scripture.

In my life, my wife asked me to get marriage counseling but before even seeking it my biblical antennas went side ways. But why?

What is counseling? And where can it be found in the bible? Both of these are great questions. In Proverbs it tells us not to forsake the (law) counsel of your mother or father. This is good for as we know King Solomon was raised by a godly father who had a love for God’s Word. And, in addition, many places it tells us to listen to advice and the biblical teachings of our Pastor.

But where does it say “marriage counseling?” And what does it look like?

One day, as I was walking past the marriage counseling offices I saw a brittle man with his head down. Well, that might be good for maybe he was broken. Yes, being broke over sin is a very good thing but what about being broken as a man?

As seeking these questions myself what I did distinctly notice is that when married couples were addressed in the church the man and woman where meet with great equal respect and those speaking treaded lightly while speaking to the man about his wife.

But in marriage counseling I noticed that the man was not treated so and usually the counselor felt a need to defend the woman for his many abuses. But why was it different in this setting? And, more importantly, was there a need for them to be treated like this?

What I soon realized that in marriage counseling the man has his authority taken away and a form of arbitration begins. A judge and jury occurs, if you will. The man had been emasculated from his role and the spouses are treated as complete equals. But is this so bad? And isn’t the thought that as long as the problem is rooted out should that not be worth all the trouble? Yes and no.

Yes, in that if the problem was solved, a little humbleness from the man would be worth a life time of happiness. But, being that we are sinful people, problems will soon rise again. An when they do who will you think the woman will want to listen to; her husband who has the authority over her or an impartial judge who has the key to authority to call the shots?

The judge, of course, because if problems or disagreements happen it means that the man and the woman see things differently and a side needs to be chosen. And if a judge makes all the decisions then her side will be meet with a greater chance of success.

So, if marriage counseling is unbiblical then how do we handle difficulties or disagreements in our marriage? And is there a way that marriage counseling can be done?

Can marriage counsel be done biblically? I don’t know. But I do know that advice is a wonderful thing and done with respecting the man as the authority over his wife and not judging between the two independently will not only bring you respect and honor from the man but honor the Godly institution of marriage.

Can a pastor direct a marriage? No. His role is directing the husband in how he should lead his family and it is the husbands job to give instruction for his house from that point forward. If the pastor or brothers see a discrepancy with his behavior it should be addressed privately (one on one) and not in front of his wife. That is why it tells the man to listen to other godly men in the church (Titus 2:1-9).

The pastor is suppose to teach the congregation the roles of a marriage but God leads it up to the man in how he sees fit to carry it out. The pastor is not responsible for how the husband leads his wife so thus the pastor does not have authority in that part of his life.

Love you guys! Michael